Dear Friends, Family, and Yet To Be Determined,
I hope this posting finds you well during this ____________(Insert Appropriate Holiday Here) Season. This year it's my turn to do the family newsletter and I have embraced it with all of the joy and hope a single man in his early 30s can muster for a holiday newsletter (If we were to be putting it on some sort of scale it would be somewhere between Cleaning my Shower and ordering Chinese Delivery, again.) It has been quite a year at the Rorschach Family Ranch.
After Uncle Scott and Aunt Rahaleh split-up at the beginning of the year, things were pretty rocky. See Aunt Rahaleh moved to Boston and started sleeping with this Minister, nine months later little Liz came into the world, all red hair and attitude. The town was scandalized and threatened some sort of long term imprisonment, you know how Puritanical those New Englanders can be. Uncle Scott started stalking Aunt Rahaleh and her new boyfriend and eventually he drove the poor guy crazy. The boyfriend died of some sort of chest infection.
Cousin Timmy moved back from Chicago last spring just in time to hit the road again for beautiful Baja California. Seems he, brother Grady, and that neighbor boy Jason (you know the one with all of the hipster internet friends) all got involved with some kind of religious pilgrimage (a little too much of the funny kool aid if you ask me) and started the road trip from hell. The good news is that everything turned out well and Timmy asked Liz out on an ice cream date.
Brother Grady has started writing plays. He teamed up with some kid he met down at the theater, Eric something or another, and they have been putting on these whacked out shows about wars, cannibalism and incest. I know, pretty crazy stuff. I don't think people go to the theater to be scarred and scared, I think they want to be entertained. They like musicals about baseball teams and nannies who marry their bosses, not rapes and murder. They want good old fashioned stories about people falling in love and settling down, not stories of bi-polar princes living in castles in lower Scandinavia worrying about whether they should or shouldn't kill their Uncle. But boys will be boys I suppose. I hear they are working on a comedy next. Hopefully it will be better than their last comedy, the one with all of the spousal abuse.
And that brings us to today. We are now hip deep in another family crisis. Uncle Scott is stalking another woman, who has absolutely no interest in him at all. So apparently he has staged some sort of frame up to get her, her boyfriend and their two best friends into some legal trouble so they will be put to death. Apparently pre-marital sex is grounds for the death penalty in some places. I can only assume that it is Texas or Florida. He won't give me all of the details but he says everything should be falling into place in mid-January, stay tuned we will have updates.
So other than the whole Uncle Scott creepiness its been a great year. And so from all of the Rorschachs we wish you the holiday greeting most appropriate to your ethnic, religious and socio-economic persuasion.
The Mad Blogger what Blogs at Midnight
Thursday, December 22, 2005
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