We had another sold out house last night. And I have to say one of our most attractive audiences ever.
Company member and hot young actor Mr. Karl "Throw Away Your Antiquated Theater Paradigm" Miller was front of house manager last night. He also got to lose his Rorschach Theater Curtain Speech Virginity last night, with a very thought provoking and impassioned statement about the plight of the pygmy elephants of Borneo. Not particularly what anyone was expecting but it beats the pants off the time I did the curtain speech for Behold! and kept repeating the words polar bear 108 times. Or in 2003 when company member Lindsay Allen actually performed a song entitled "Where have all the Wombats Gone?" before a 5 o'clock performance of After the Flood.
Curtain speeches are a bit of a necessary evil in the world of theater these days. Here is your basic curtain speech components with commentary:
Good evening ladies and gentlemen.
(Though when I look in your eyes I can tell you are not having a very good evening at all. Sorry you had to wait like five extra minutes because that yahoo booked ten tickets and his last friends didn't show up until 8:10.)
We would like to welcome you to Rorschach Theater.
(Damn it I pronounced theatre "er" instead of "re." I hope nobody noticed)
And to tonights performance of The Beard of Avon.
(And there go the three people who always show up thinking its a support group meeting, well that's what you get for performing in a church these days.)
We ask at this time that you please turn off all cell phones, pagers and anything that makes a noise.
(What do you think people said before there were cell phones? Isn't it strange how the emergence of a new technology which is supposed to make life simpler, instead has made it necessary to waste these people's time and mine to make an announcement about turning off their damn phones.)
Rorschach Theatre (Got it right this time.) is known for its passionate performance style and the action will be happening quite near to you. Please keep your hands, legs and personal belongings out of the rows so you don't become part of the show.
(They will cut you if you get too close. I have seen it happen. You could lose an ear or a handbag and nobody would even blink, so keep inside your tiny box and nobody gets hurt.)
Thank you and enjoy the show.
(We already have your money so you might as well laugh, because the cast can sense when you aren't with them and once again they might cut you.)