Friday, May 05, 2006

Rumble en la Casa

Since the dawn of time there have been great comedic teams; Burns and Allen, Laurel and Hardy, Martin and Lewis, Abbott and Costello, Scooter and Rove. Well tonight two giants of curtain speechery will join forces for the first time ever. Jason Linkins and Scott McCormick will face off in a curtain speech to end all curtain speeches.

Not since Ali v. Frasier or Marbury v. Madison has there been a match-up like this. As a small
child I remember watching Hulk Hogan body slam Andre the Giant. When these two men face off tonight any memory of that generation defining event will be wiped from my and your memories. Many of you may lose the power of speech, you may be forced to cower in a corner and fear the words cell phones and pagers. You will find an overwhelming urge to join us in the lobby and buy concessions and sign-up for our mailing list. You think to yourself right now, I don't sign-up for mailing lists, and until tonight you may have been right. But when these two men speak you will have no choice in the matter and you will sign your own mother's email address on a piece of paper simply to appease these two sexy men of speaking greatness.

Rorschach can not guarantee your safety from the kind of awsomeness you may experience both before and during A Bright Room Called Day. On the other hand this may all be hype, just so much posturing like a later day Mike Tyson fight. It may not be as awsome as the build-up I am giving it here. But do you dare take that risk? Can you stand the thought of looking into your future children's eyes when they ask you where were you the night that McCormick and Linkins gave that curtain speech? And what will you tell that gift from heaven?

"I wasn't there Little Billy/Little Susie I was at home working on a really cool 3-D puzzle of the Empire State Building, I didn't go to Rorschach that night. Your mom/dad sucks big time, I'm sorry for being so damn lame. You should go find someone worthy of raising you. Someone who was cool enough and smart enough not to have missed that curtain speech. I am sorry, I have to leave you now. Feed Fluffy and Puddles. I would say I love you but it would only bring you more shame."

Don't leave your children because you were too lame to come to the theatre tonight. Tickets are still available. Call 1-800-494-TIXS or click
here. Do not miss the awsomeness of Bright Room and the magic of Linkins and McCormick.


Anonymous said...

In the famed words of Captain Blackadder listening to these two was about as funny as having your tongue beaten wafer thin by a steak tenderizer and then stapled to the ground with a croquet hoop . . .

Thehairyape said...

I now pronounce this the greatest team up since Hoffman and Beatty. With similar results. Not even a blind camel could have help this duo out...well...blind camels are pretty funny.

DCepticon said...

Ishtar was at the AFI this weekend and therefore is now a lost classic, thank you very much. My mom said we were very funny.