Friday, February 17, 2006

Lessons in Power Ball

Just four performances left of Fair Ladies people. Can we say last chance to see? Can we say hot samurai lovin'? No seriously, can I say that? Tickets are still available but it is the last weekend so I don't know how much longer that will be true. Call 1-800-494-TIXS or visit Box Office Tickets and use the ticket code "PAUL" and get a $12 ticket. That is a third off the regular price.

Mean time welcome to all of the people from DCeiver and from Theaterboy for coming on by the house for a visit. Remember to take your shoes off, we don't like scuff marks on the new floor. And what you are smelling right now if a candle my mom gave me for Christmas. Do you like it? Its something called Fresh Cookies. Wild huh?

As I stare out my work window here on Wisconsin Ave. there is a line starting to form outside of the Rodman's Discount Food and Drug. Fox 5 has set up their cameras to document this mass gathering of people who don't appreciate the odds of winning the $350 million dollars are 1 in 146,107,962. These men and women will stand in line for about an hour to put down a dollar or twenty to win a prize so big that it will move them into a higher tax bracket.

Imagine if you will what I, the member of a small theater company would do if I won all of that money.

1. First off I would get me a really hot girlfriend. Sorry if I am going to do something for the company I need to do something for me first. And she would love me because I am smart, funny, talented and I have like $200 million dollars after taxes.

2. Everyone in the company would go on payroll. I would then expect them to dedicate themselves fully to the company and its goals. Jenny and Randy would completely maintain their positions of authority, I would only make a few small requests and they could either implement them or not. No big deal. Did I mention I would be paying them? I think they should keep that in mind when I make my suggestions. I mean I am not really the kind of guy who would threaten somebody's job if I didn't get my way, but I just think that might be something they would want to keep in mind when they are making plans. Forget I said anything. You guys just keep on doing what you are doing and I will write the checks . . . if I remember. You know what makes me remember? Being happy. And you know what makes me happy?

3. All costumes and set will be made of the finest materials. Fine silks and expensive teaks will fill the space. None of this theater scrimping you hear about, if there is a cheap alternative well we will say no thanks and spend amazing amounts of money on things like leather pants and revolves even if the director doesn't want them. And I don't mean some clunky revolve left over from some Les Mis touring company, I mean the best revolve you can buy. Something they worked on at NASA or for some sort of medical research. And all of our silks will be made using the silk of specially trained silk worms that will be housed in a small village I have purchased in a yet to be determined third world nation. I am not talking sweat shop here people, all of the kids will be paid a fair and equitable wage.

4. Finally I will buy us a space. Something with a retractable roof so we can do outdoor trauma in the summer would be nice.

See I don't think money would change me one bit. Lines forming pretty fast across the street, it may be too much hassle.


Anonymous said...

#2 is frighteningly close to true already...and we're not even getting checks from you....

we are such suckers.

Anonymous said...

i have never in my life bought a lottery ticket. ninjas don't believe in luck.

Anonymous said...

Will that space with the "twirly" roof fit in Columbia Hights?

Good Luck with the loto and the last 4 shows!