Monday, January 30, 2006

Diary for Morotaka

The only information you need to understand this piece is the City Paper compares my character to Godzilla and The Post says I give a Orson Wellesian performace in the role of Morotaka. I thought it might be fun to spend a day in the life of this Orson-zilla inspired Morotaka. Follow the links if you don't get the references. Enjoy!

6:30 a.m. - Woke up early this morning to work on unfinished script for new movie involving tortured artist forced to sacrafice dreams of becoming great painter to support a wife he no longer loves by painting houses. Talk to J. Cotton about starring.

7 a.m. - Spy on ladies in waiting for half-hour making sure they all received the poems I wrote them last night.

8:30 a.m. - Attack small fishing boat off Soouthwest Coast of Japan and leave no one alive except paniced old man and small unconsious child. Radioactive breath seems to be acting up must speak to someone about that.

11:45 a.m. - Met with the folks at RKO about possibly filming the script I wrote this morning. Possibly change painter to
wealthy publisher. Had a small salad, a troop carrier and a bottle of scotch for lunch. Must call Delores about dinner tomorrow.

12:25 p.m. - Watched ladies-in-waiting taking down their kimonos from the washline.

12:35 p.m. - Battled American naval carrier group. Lost toe, which fortunately grew back. Spotted that show off
Mothra talking to those tiny twins in the clam shell again. Always with the ladies is Mothra.

3:00 p.m. - Second lunch with
Agnes Moorehead and Mankiewicz. Both of them looking well. Told Mank I wanted to do a fake radio broadcast about some kind of giant creature attacking Tokyo. He reminded me I actually had attacked Tokyo last week. I asked him if I remembered to film it. He said no. So I told him to buy the g.d. cameras and we'll do it again. I am surrounded by idiots. Ate a radio tower washed down with another bottle of scotch.

4:12 p.m. - One of the ladies-in-waiting seems to be paying too much attention to one of the neighboring samurai. Must remember to either stomp into the ground or attack his villiage. Or both. I think it will be both.

7:30 p.m. - Dinner with
John Huston went well until I swung my tail and killed him. Its not so much the killing I mind its the cleaning up. And to top it all off I am out of scotch. Will have to go get some more. Remember to send card to Angelica.

8:45 p.m. - Ate a bus load of American Tourists as I made rounds of the palace tonight. SOOOO much responsibility. Fell into electrical lines on the way back to palace after drinking tanker truck of what I belive was scotch but may in fact have been heating fuel.

11:15 p.m. - Dog-eared the poems before slipping them under Karumo's door. Which, since they are sliding doors, is a lot harder than it sounds. Especially when you are 100 feet tall and have hands the size of two RVs. Made quick notes on The Magnificent Smiths script, possibly thinking of changing title to something a little less WASPy.

12:50 a.m. - Long day, but over all a success. Still sorry about killing John. Possibly maimed
John Houseman on the way to bed. Eddy Robinson won't return my phone calls and there seems to be a number of helicopters circling the palace. If they don't stop soon, will swat. Reminder if Karumo doesn't return affection soon remember to expose her to some sort of radio active spill. Good night mommy.


Anonymous said...

Blogger is a genius!!!!

Agent X said...

brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. one of your finest.

Chris Sellers said...

"Fell into electrical lines on the way back to palace after drinking tanker truck of what I believed was scotch but may in fact have been heating fuel." ... We've all been there.

And, of course -- "Always with the ladies is Mothra."

Anonymous said...

How did I miss this one? Oh my God, you are the funniest monster EVER! I would have peed my pants if I hadn't just used the restroom.