Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Holiday Letter to Family and Friends

Dear Family and Friends,

It has been another crazy kooky, cracked out year at our house.

Once again we thank you for all the cards and letters to the Governor on Cesar's behalf. Thank God for DNA testing is all I have to say! Whoo!

It was an exciting year for the whole family. Uncle Grady discovered an alternative life style, Cousin Andrew came home from the Gulf, little Timmy lost his job and started hanging out with prostitutes and an infestation of Elizabethans took over the house for a couple of months.

Who can keep all the craziness straight? I know I can't! Maybe if I stopped doing all those whip-its in the lunch room.

The year started off fine. Sister Tracy was living in New York persuing her love of younger men and dramaturgy. When all of a sudden some foreigners started terrorizing her. They burnt down her apartment, and then she was on the run in a flash with this guy with a skin condition, her new teenage boyfriend and Uncle Grady. Grady as I mentioned has found a new lifestyle and is now working at a drag club in Manhattan. Don't worry it is one of those nice places with the drinks with umbrellas that the midwesterners "accidentally" wander into when they are looking for a pay phone. Well long story short, the foreigners hunt them all down at Coney Island and there was some violence. Sister Tracy is alright but there were some deaths.

Cousin Andrew came home from the war this year. It was a long time coming, considering he was coming home from the First Gulf War. His wife Gabi was having terrible dreams and he was having a hard time re-adjusting to civilian life. Poor Andrew! I am pretty sure Gabi was having an affair with someone very high up in the world and was flirting with their teenaged neighbor a little too much. Seems to be a trend these days older women and much younger men. I blame the schools!

As for Brother Timmy, he was living in NYC. I think he was a couple of blocks down from where Tracy was staying. He lost his job, his wife and his sense of purpose and ended up hanging around with one of New York's, well let's just say, ladies of the evening. His wife Jjana was doing the same thing with a mysterious homeless man and she too was having strange dreams. She seemed like such a nice girl. I am not sure what the problem was really, something about her foster mother and fear of leaving the City.

Finally there were a bunch of Elizabethans infesting the house. We tried to set traps but they weren't falling for the bait we were using. We tried everything; beer, lurid poetic images, bloody tragedies and baudy comedies. They were running around naked and bleeding all over everything. I consulted with a lot of experts and it turns out the best way to get rid of Elizabethans is to throw soap and water at them. They can't stand being clean.

And as the year closes I have some sad news. We are leaving our home of the last 6 years. We had some good time and some bad times, but I think in the end it is time to move on. I know that I for one am looking forward to the future and every opportunity it will bring.

Happy Holidays,
The Mad Blogger What Blogs at Midnight

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