A Preview of Coming Attractions

First things first: forget all you've heard about Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake. "Up In Dem Guts," by Zach Galifianakis and Fiona Apple is, without a doubt, the summer jam of 2006. Go download it.

Now, it cheers me to hear that Arabian Night continues to garner press accolades and large crowds. That's fantastic. But what else is going on in the trenches, Schacheteers? I needs to know these things in order to make blog entries that speak, thrillingly, to you. So please do not forget to hit me up at imadcver [at] yahoo (dot) com.

I would imagine that many of you out there are wondering what Rorschach will be doing next season, our lucky number seventh. Well, this week and next, I am going to answer that question.

You might well be wondering: what? And also: how does he know? Well, the answer is simple: I don't. I don't have an effing clue. F'reals. At Rorschach, we're not known for our long staff meetings. We're not known for our short staff meetings. No, to the best of my knowledge, we're not known for any meetings whatsoever. They intruded too much on Matt Frederick's "me time." I've attended all of one--that one being "The One That Was Scheduled." And we talked mainly about flyers.

However, while I cannot definitively answer what shows Rorschach will be doing next year, I can certainly inform you of what shows we will NOT be doing next year. And thus, by process of elimination, I can get you, the reader, closer to the TRUTH.

It's all part of a series I have dubbed "PROFILES IN UNPRODUCABILITY". These shows, which, to the best of my knowledge were not only never seriously considered for the upcoming season, but also do not exist outside of my own fevered imaginings, all demonstrate some degree of promise. But they are all inappropriate for our next season for one or more of a variety of reasons:

• Too dependent on a flawed business strategy of "casting Karl in everything."
• Impossible to stage no matter how many Getmans we threw at it.
• Based primarily on ideas I had while high (or, as Lindsayism fans call them, "highdeas").
• Too offensive/controversial/eye-meltingly despicable to stage.
• Lack of an audience for said material confirmed unequivocally by science.

So, I want you all to look forward to that. Begin immediately.