Be It Ever So Humble There Is No Place Like Stockholm

This is a statement prepared by Rahaleh upon her return from captivity. Her claims to the contrary I think she has really been impacted by this near brush with vacation. Read on gentle readers, read on:

Statement from RAHALEH NASSRI
(released December 15, 2005)

I am back in Washington, DC in rehearsals for Fair Ladies at a Game of Poem Cards. Save minor back pain resulting from a boogie board incident, I am in good health. I want to thank all those who expressed concern. To all those who secretly prayed I would not return or return disfigured, maimed or in a body bag, I can only say this: someday your life will turn around, you’ll be happy, and you won’t have to spend so much time wishing misfortune on others.

I always try to see the brightest side of every experience. I do not harbor any anger toward my abductors. They are good people and this whole incident may have been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Sure, it was scary at times and a few tears were shed, but I grew very fond of my kidnappers and, judging from their actions, they were very fond of me. They say, “If you love something, set it free?” I’m free now and must admit I have pangs of nostalgia when I think of the duo and my time in captivity. They gave me stickers and kissed my tears away. They bought me ice cream and tamales and drugged me only once. Don’t get me wrong, their sh*t DOES stink. And I imagine yours does too (although, mine doesn’t).

I want to end by stating emphatically that no action, legal or otherwise, should be taken against my abductors.

-Rahaleh Nassri

NB: This is not a case of Stockholm Syndrome (See also Patty Hearst and blink 182. The Editor). I was never in Sweden. I know this because it was warm and the people were happy. I hear Swedes are depressed.